Musings while Flying to Zagreb

I’m sitting in row 49 J (by the window) on our Delta plane waiting for take off, maybe in 15 minutes. The flight to Amsterdam is just under  9 hours, then we have 5.5 hours at the airport there, then a 2 hour flight to Zagreb where we are hoping to arrive at 4 pm Zagreb time, 7 am Seattle time, tomorrow. Then we hope to get our reserved car from Alamo with no unexpected delays or fees. The drive from there to the apartment we’ve rented should be a half hour or less, assuming we find our way ok. It’s a lot of steps and a lot of time and there are no guarantees everything will unfold according to schedule or in alignment with our wishes. I don’t especially believe that my prayers will affect the smoothness of our journey, but I pray anyway, for safe travels and good health and a safe return on October 17 six weeks from tomorrow.

I only slept 4 hours last night and am just starting to feel sleepy although I don’t expect to sleep much on the plane. Rarely can I sleep longer than 10-15 minutes at a time, if at all.

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When we were sitting at the airport waiting to board i experienced a sudden welling up of visceral feelings of recognition and gratitude that we are about to embark on another trip to the Balkans. I felt on the verge of tears (of gratitude and awe and humility). This trip is my 7th, Jim’s 6th. When I booked my first trip with Kendra in 2014 I had no idea it was to be the first of many. I am returning on this 7th trip because it feels like my destiny, like a central purpose for being alive at this time in my life. These trips are personally nourishing but also I feel like I am meant to share my experiences with others via my writing. 

I feel at peace with both the possibility that this could  be my last visit, and that another visit/s could be in store. But for now my priority is to be present in each moment, savor each day, and engage generously with people from my heart.

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The way I first met my cousin, Lud (Vladimir) Vukmir, the man who helped connect me with family in Croatia and Serbia, is worth a mention as it helps convey the sense of fate or calling I feel regarding traveling to the Balkans. 

Prior to meeting Lud I had only a vague interest in the land of my ancestors. My dad had never been there but he told me stories about growing up in Turtle Creek (Pa.) in his immigrant grandparents’ house on ‘Goat Hill’ with his widowed mom and various  ‘Hunky’ aunts, uncles and cousins. My dad referred to his grandparent’s land of origin as ‘the Old Country’ and of them coming from a peasant culture that was poor financially but rich in family, culture, superstition, and history. I found the stories interesting but not enough so to ever think of actually going there, until I was 54 years old.

Here is how that first trip came about.

My dad died in 2000 and my mom moved into an apartment in a senior living community called Friendship Village. During one of my visits to my mom’s place, maybe in early 2012, I was nosing around in my mom’s desk drawers and came upon some file folders my dad had created 15 years before that contained photo copies of email correspondence between himself and Lud (who lives in Dayton). Most of these emails were about family history info as well as news about our relatives living in the Balkans who Lud kept in touch with. Reading these emails sparked curiosity in me and I decided to send an email of introduction to Lud to see if his address was still active, and whether he was even still alive. I gathered he was elderly. 

Lo and behold I soon received a friendly reply from Lud who was tickled to meet a younger relative who was interested in our family. Lud just so happened to be finishing up a family history book project (his passion in retirement has been researching and assembling wonderful family history books for his and other relatives’ families) in which my great grandma Anna was included. He told me he would soon be starting on a book about my dad’s maternal grandmother’s line and asked me to gather and send photos and bios of relevant family members, which I did. The following year Kendra and I arranged to stop in Dayton on our way to Pittsburgh and meet Lud and his wife, Shirley, in person. Shirley had dementia but was still able to participate in conversation. Lud welcomed us like family (which we are 🙂, although a few generations apart. His grandma was sister to my dad’s grandma Anna, so he and my dad were 2nd cousins, and I am Lud’s second cousin once removed).

Somehow amid this process Kendra and I decided to take a trip to Serbia to meet our relatives and see the land where our great grandparents once lived. Kendra was an experienced world traveler but I was not. The only international travel I’d done, besides going to Canada, was a trip to Ireland with my mom, sisters and son in 2002. I was not averse to traveling but nor did I have the travel bug. I agreed to go on this trip with my sister because it simply felt ‘right’,  and an interesting thing to do.

As I’ve written before, our mom had a stroke 6 weeks before Kendra and I were scheduled to fly to Croatia in the spring of 2014. We discussed whether to cancel our trip but our mom insisted we go even though there was a good possibility she might die before we got back, and indeed she died 2 days after we left. 

Once in Croatia we encountered some extreme storms which resulted in widespread flooding, landslides and road closures so we were unable to go to Serbia to meet family. We were disappointed but had a great time in Croatia and vowed to come again the following year with our husbands, which we did. On that trip we were able to meet relatives from two branches of the family and have been getting to know them better with each ensuing trip.

Meanwhile I’ve kept in frequent touch with Lud who has been a big supporter of my writing about family and my travels in the ‘Old Country’.

In 2019 Lud drove to Pittsburgh to meet with me and two cousins visiting from Belgrade. And currently he is finishing up a book on my mom’s dad’s family line, a generous gift on his part given he is not related to my mom and my mom’s roots are not in Serbia.

Sending that first email to Lud has led me to so many amazing experiences, beautiful places, and wonderful people I never would have met had I simply read my dad’s files and put them back in the drawer without sending that note to Lud. I am grateful that I am the type of person who tends to trust and follow my inner guidance.

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Special Treat!

We are an hour and a half  into our flight; 7.5 hours to go…. The lady behind me has sensitive eyes and asked if I’d mind keeping my window closed. I said that’s ok as long as I can open it once in a while. The only reasons I agreed are that I have another window I can look out of, and, having sensitive eyes myself I know what it can be like to have bright light shining in on me. But still, I’m a little disappointed and wonder why she chose a window seat if she doesn’t want to look outside.

(A flight attendant just came by asking everyone to close their shades. It’s only 3:30 pm but it’s after midnight in Amsterdam so they are trying to make it conducive for people to sleep. But I only closed my shade half way. First of all, since I’m looking at my screen I want ambient light surrounding my screen, otherwise my eyes get more strained. Second, I tend slightly toward claustrophobia and not being able to see outside is unsettling. Third, I love looking out the window even if  ‘just’ at the clear blue sky above and hazy clouds below. Plus, call me entitled, but I spent nearly $1500 for my round trip ticket and I feel I am within my rights to keep my shade part way open so I can look out the window).

One more thing I want to report. At SeaTac ‘they’ have instituted a ‘face recognition ’  scanning process at the gate. Instead of showing one’s passport you step on a line, look at a camera which takes your picture and matches it with your passport photo in some official data base. It’s creepy and Jim read recently that this info is collected and at times abused. They do have an opt out option but we didn’t opt out because I was too preoccupied with travel to go find out how to opt out. If I was doing it again I would. 

Ok, time to close the iPad and read… or doodle…or do a word or number puzzle.., or…?

…8 pm…we’ve been on the plane for 7 hours and in the air for almost 6 and a half. 2 and a half to go. As expected I haven’t slept. But guess what!?

A couple hours ago I happened to look out the window and saw the northern lights!! They weren’t extremely colorful, mostly white and at their brightest, yellow. But wow, how special to see these curtains of moving light!! My neck got sore from craning to get the best views out the little windows. I (and Jim) watched for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, then they faded away. In any case, it’s not the same as being outside and looking up but it felt like a gift and I’m choosing to receive it as being a positive sign portending a good trip.